Idle thought # 4,583,297,695.2

 I have never understood why people are so closed in on themselves. Are we not all one thing, each of us just a tiny part of something larger? And yet, all my life, I have noticed that I seem to be the only one that sees that. In fact, I believe it down to my core. Am I delusional? Am I, god forbid,  a sentimentalist or, even worse, just plain old hopeful? Maybe I am a hippie, after all. Sheesh.

 When I was a tree, I was part of a community. I was a protector of that community. I stood tall, firm, and unrelenting against the storms that threatened my community. My branches held back the raging wind from it, destroying that in its path it could. My roots spread far and wide, holding the earth together against the roiling waters of the sea. That was my purpose. For five thousand years, I stood resolute. I did not do this for fame or glory or even ego. I did this because it needed to be done. I never thought to question it.

 But as humans? We question everything. Why did that happen? Why did that person do that? Did those people react the way they did? So why am I wondering about something important to me only peripherally? This does not make sense.

 As a tree, I was, pun intended, rooted. I didn't have legs or wings, nor could I crawl about. But nevertheless, I was where I was. Period. I liked my job. I was useful to the world and was pretty much left alone. Not completely alone, as I provided food and shelter to others and was a part of their lives, insignificant to me but significant to them. A nice little bonus.

 As a human, I was not rooted. Not in any way. We have different sexes and races and many other ideas about what those mean. A tree is a tree. A sparrow is a Sparrow. A deer is a deer. Humans, on the other hand, or not so limited. Apparently, just being human is not enough. We feel we need to be a part of something else. We believe that we have to define ourselves even more.

 I am not just a human; I am male or female, somewhere in between, or perhaps something else entirely. I am black or white or something ( only because we seem to agree that in the color spectrum, those are the extreme opposites ) in between. So many choices, so many paths.

 But then I think of those famous words: Wherever you go, there you are. I understand the terms but only recently came to understand the subtext. When I was a tree, it was apparent. I could not be elsewhere. As a human, my choices are infinite, limited only, and even then only slightly, by my imagination. This is a heavy cross to bear. Add to that the countless diversions and other choices you may never have thought of yourself, and woof. No wonder this world is so screwed up.

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